My Journey : Color and Courage

When I started painting with watercolor I tagged my pieces online with “Color and Happy”. Two years later and that description isn’t a good fit any more.

The “happy” used to fit.

It was about me getting an instant shot of happiness anytime I picked up a paintbrush.

It was about, even when I didn’t love what I had painted that day, being happy about the fact that I had the chance to paint.

It was about the happiness that comes with pursing something that I had put off for so long.

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But lately it seems to imply constant happiness. And that just isn’t the case.

Though I’m at a really good place with the art that I’m making, making it doesn’t always make me happy. In fact, often it stirs up deeper emotions like self-doubt, insecurity, and fear. That, combined with political and societal turmoil along with personal issues {the hard / important work of marriage and parenting and self-care} make the word “happy” a hard thing to shout to the word.

“Just be happy!” seems to be the advice of the person who’s eyes are closed to reality.

So, after talking this out with my friend Sarah,  I decided to change the “happy” to “courage”. Because, though “happy” is great, it’s not the thing that will get you through another mass murder in the news and a panic attack in the kitchen. Courage is the thing that will help you get through. {Along with doctor prescribed medication if you’re into that.}

Courage is the thing that I cling to when my art stirs up those feelings of self-doubt and inadequacy.

Courage is the thing that I call upon when my fears of “what they may say” flare up.

Courage is the thing that any creator needs when they decide to breathe their own life into the art supplies they’re holding.

Color and courage.

Amen.