Do you feel like an imposter?
Like, no matter how many books you read, you won’t ever know enough?
Like, no matter how many art pieces you’re praised for, you won’t be “real” enough?
LIke no matter how many classes you take, your style won’t ever be “enough” enough?
Hi, My name is Paige and I know exactly how you feel… Or, I should say - I used to.
After I became an accidental stay at home mom {link to blog post} I knew that there would never be a better time of pursuing my dream of making art.
At the time, I had a healthy eleven month old son.
Gone were the days of regular doctor’s visits and days planned around bottles and naps.
I had grown up painting and sewing and drawing and writing stories in my Nana’s sewing room.
I had been praised for my artistic efforts and even won a couple awards as I grew.
I had taken a class that introduced me to the intoxicating glory of watercolor just weeks before my son had been born.
Here was an opportunity to sit down and make art all day!
This was the exact scenario I had secretly nurtured since the day I realized that I wouldn’t get to work on my latest project because 6th grade was scheduled to start the next day.
There was nothing holding me back…
Except, overwhelming fear and paralysis
I was terrified.
Though I had the mind and experiences of a 30 something year old woman, my mind was stuck in 6th grade.
All the insecurities of early teenagerhood came flooding over me:
Doubt in my innate talent
Worried that I wasn’t smart enough to acquire the skills
Dread that both my friends and internet strangers would laugh at my attempts
Fear of the blank page… and then the ever-increasing terror of the next stroke being the one that messes the entire thing up
Add that to the temptation {and financial} pitfall of constantly buying new art supplies along with the unrelenting disappointment in myself that, after realizing that I had hours to create, nothing substantial had been accomplished by dinnertime.
Or bedtime for that matter.
To call myself a complete and utter mess during this time period would probably be a kindness.
Want to stress out a lifelong overachiever?
A sheltered southern girl who craved the unknown of adventure and travel so much that her first time on a commercial plane was the first leg of a month-long sojourn to China?
A life-long bookworm who graduated with honors while having lead her university’s ambassador program?
A slightly socially awkward woman who managed to work on Capitol Hill in DC without accidentally offending any other nation?
An enthusiastic encourager of all pursuits even vaguely creative?
Give her her lifelong dream and watch as her self-doubt and fear of failure combine to create the most terrifying whirlwind of uncertainty. A cyclone so strong and all-encompassing that she’s barely aware of the passage of time or the distinction between forward and backward moment.
Excuse me for a moment while I shake off the cold sweat that comes over me just recalling this time period.
you know that feeling that comes over you when you hear your favorite song from when you were eighteen?
The one of pure joy.
The delight of the unexpected goodness.
The elation that happens when good art makes an impact.
The realization that you are physically unable to keep your body still, so your head tilt starts automatically keeping time with the music….
Or maybe that one is just me…
But that feeling?
That mix of glee and hope and everything being right in the worlD:
That’s the one that I feel now when I’m making art.
And that’s the one I want to introduce to you as well.
That feeling is the reason I am creating the imposter’s Society
Talent is only one part of the ___ {equation, and I }
skills are accomplished in small pieces
instead they admired me for my “courage”
instead ai learned that evertything starts out as a sketch {leaonardo cartoon from his biography}
art supplies: there is no magic paintbrush >>> hotel guy story
time frame: same as hotel guy, give oneself parameters
Your interests are not an accident