I started talking my anxiety medication again.
Last week’s high profile suicides of entrepreneur creatives hit me, like it did lots of you: hard and personal. The silver lining: seeing all the conversation around mental health. This community interaction was beautiful and welcome.
It made me remember a time about eight years ago that I was in the middle of a horrible relationship and didn’t know where to steer my boat and I went to a counselor/ therapist guy and told him what was going on and he said something to the time of, “sounds like you’re depressed” and my response was, “I’m not depressed. I’m just in a bad situation.”
But that wasn’t my whole truth. I was in a bad situation, in part, because I was depressed because of the hurricane that was my mid-twenties. But I couldn’t see it. I was miserable and lonely and confused, but was I depressed? Even at my lowest I didn’t see that as my reality.
Which is what so many of the wise voices were saying this past week: mental health effects your brain, your brain is the thing you use to make good decisions and acknowledge bad situations. Depression and anxiety blind us to our own reality.
So when a friend reached out yesterday and asked if everything was okay I said, “yeah I’m fine.” And I wasn’t trying to skirt anything. But the community conversation, this silver lining shaped like a dagger, is the thing that pierced me. It reminded me I don’t totally see myself clearly when I’m in the midst of the storm.
Everyone’s situation is different. And goodness knows I’m not here to tell anyone what they should or should not put in their bodies. But, for me, a clearer mind will help me get through my current mental storm. Thanks to @glennondoyle @designcrush and @delaneyrwillard and everyone else who reminded me of my own truth by sharing their own. ✨